Kindergarteners with Marital Problems

I never had marital problems with my friends as a kid. I remember playing Hotwheels and Legoes with my brother, climbing trees, dressing Barbies, and occasionally tormenting my cat. My only dilemmas were whether I should pretend to be a white horse or a purple one. Now kids have bigger issues.

The other day, kids came to school dressed in their old Halloween costumes. Twenty-first century kids' costumes are immaculate! We had princesses, cowboys, super heroes, and pink cats! During recess, all the kids stayed in character, except for one boy. He took off his transformer mask to be the dashing Prince Derek to the lovely Princess Lucy. I usually don't allow little five year olds to play boyfriend/girlfriend, but I let it slide this day. Derek was the perfect gentleman; he guided Lucy across the playground, her arm linked with his as her ladies in waiting trailed behind and would circle around them when they danced. A darling love story unfolded that afternoon.

The dreamworld fell apart when Haley arrived. Normally Lucy's mom picks her up before Haley gets there with the after school kids, and Derek would play with her each afternoon. I never knew the depths of Haley's love for Derek until I saw her enraged by his friend choice that day. I kept seeing Haley run up to the group and run away disgruntled. I wanted to know what was going down. When I walked up in the middle of Haley's diatribe I heard, “You always play with ME and GARRET!” “You are MY friend!” “You are NOT her friend!” Then she added sweetly, “Will you come play with me now?”

Derek looked at Haley in her school uniform. He looked at the mild mannered, not given to fits of rage princess holding his hand. “No.” he replied, and guided her majesty away to their next engagement. The look on Haley's face has an academy award waiting in her future.

A few minutes later, I happened upon Haley pacing back and forth. I got closer. “I don't need HIM!” “I'm better off without him!” The stomp of each step carried the weight of every scorned woman who has ever gone before her. I tried consoling her, but the depths of her despair couldn't be quenched. To this day, I'm still amazed by the similarities these kids have to the marital issues displayed on tv.

Luckily kids heal fast. A few days later, Lucy had gone home early. I watched as Haley and Derek ran hand in hand with the biggest smiles as they played a game with Garret. Soap operas aren't just for adults anymore.  

The Gift of a Toilet Paper Roll

Kids fascinate me. A few weeks ago I changed out one of those large toilet paper rolls you find in public restrooms. The remaining cardboard cylinder fit perfectly on my wrist like a bracelet as it set sail on its maiden voyage to the trash. But it never made it.

Forgetting my quest, I strolled into a class to help some kindergarten and first grade students with their homework. They held a din of noise that kept everyone out of focus. In addition, one little boy (I'll call him Johnny) crawled under the table to untie his friend's shoelaces, while bits of paper sailed through the air from behind me. Typical afternoon.

I began quieting the class and refocusing them on their homework. “What is THAT?” a little voiced chirped, pointing at the empty toilet paper roll adorning my wrist. Heads turned. “This?” An opportunity resided on my arm. I sucked in the air of a ringmaster and began “This, my dear friends, is an empty toilet paper roll. But you don't get to see these large ones too often because they come from those big toilet paper rolls and it takes forever to get down to them.” Little Johnny crawled out from under the table to look. “But this isn't just a large toilet paper roll. This can be a bracelet to color whatever color you want, it can be a telescope to spy on your friends, it can be whatever you want it to be, and it can even be YOURS.” Awe and quiet filled the room. Paper balls dropped. I needed buckets to catch the drool dripping from their mouths.

“In order to win this treasure, you must do your homework and not bother your friends if you finish before them.” Frantically they retrieved their homework and quietly worked as often as they could remember to be quiet.

Little Johnny from under the table ended up being my best student and winning the prized circle of cardboard. He has been my best student since that day. He never visits under the table or has a rendezvous with his friend's shoelaces anymore.

A couple weeks go by and I've already busied myself with other theatrics and forgotten all about the toilet paper roll. Until one afternoon Little Johnny pulled it from his backpack. He showed me how he used it as a Spider-Man web slinging device and sometimes turned it around to spy on people. He fascinated me with where he took that cardboard cylinder in his imagination. The fact that he keeps it with him at all times in his backpack and esteemed it because it was something Miss Susanna had awarded him blew me away.

Little Johnny reminded me how magical imagination and praise can be. Dale Carnegie, in his famous book How to Win Friends and Influence People, says to be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” Kids will stand taller, sit stiller, and sometimes even act quieter just for a few words of praise. Many teachers don't have the resources to give their students the best tools available to grow their minds and give them a love of learning. But the most cost effective tool you can use is praise and then build on a child's innate imagination. I've even given away imaginary kittens and had kids who would bring them back to school for days after. The possibilities are endless.

So thank you to the little boy who enriched my life by reminding me of how interesting and entertaining the simplest things can be.

For some more ideas on how to use and appreciate toilet paper rolls, check out this Pinterest board.

Is "V" for Viagra?

I stared at the little pill I had taken. "Is 'V' for Viagra," I wondered.   

Back story:

It was a normal sickness in need of a normal antibiotic. I picked up my prescription from the pharmacy and trudged back to work, ready to feel better fast. I glanced at the info of how to take the medications and saw a little highlighted box which read “no allergies” in my patient profile. It was odd because I'm allergic to a few different things. The teeny tiniest red flag went up in my mind, but I ignored it. I had ingested these life savers before.

I popped it open and poured out a little white circled pill. The “antibiotic” didn't look like the ones I had taken before, but I figured they had just given me a different brand. Another larger red flag emerged and waved its banner about my mind. 

I wish I had listened to myself the first time. I'm apparently smarter than I give myself credit for sometimes. So I washed down one of the little white circles with some water and a McDonald's crispy chicken snack wrap with a side order of buffalo sauce that they charged me 15 cents for. But that's beside the point.

Let's fast forward 15 minutes.

My limbs felt heavy and my head spun around like a washing machine. I needed to go pick up some carpool kids from school, but I couldn't drive. A fog rolled over my mind as I sat and feebly fought to stay awake. My mom said my eyes looked like they were spinning circles. Apparently they don't do that all the time. From my neck up to the top of my head, it itched like someone had lit a California forest fire under my skin and had forgotten to plan evacuation routes for my darling little skin cells.

I had never had this reaction before to these antibiotics. The snarky little red flag waved at me.

I looked back over the info that came with my prescription. The name was wrong. “Suzanne C. Walters” was emblazoned across the top. I'm Susanna G. Walters. (I'm also dyslexic, so I didn't even catch the mix up at first). I won't give away the unknown lady's age, but her birth date was similar to mine as well. Fortunately, Suzanne C. Walters is blessed to be allergy free. Unfortunately, Susanna G. Walters is not.

I explained the mix up to the pharmacist. He apologized profusely and completely blamed himself. I read the antibiotic's name off the bottle. It was the correct prescription for me. Only the patient info was incorrect. The only explanation he could offer was that I had developed an allergy to the sulfa in the drug. Completely plausible. My dad developed this same allergy later in life as well.

The lone red flag manned his post.

Later in the day, I explained the situation to a nurse practitioner friend. She looked at the little white circle pills. “I've never seen (this antibiotic) look like that before.” She also noticed a “V” on the pill that didn't match the name on the bottle. First thought: they gave me Viagra. However, research lead to this pill. According to the nurse, it's the strongest muscle relaxer on the market you can get from a doctor. I'm not impressed.

I'm just thankful I did not end up like the bride in the movie Sixteen Candles after she took four muscle relaxers before walking down the aisle!

Everything was once again explained to the pharmacist with the internet evidence. He gave me my money back and completely took the blame on himself. His staff is supposed to ask my birthday to verify that I'm not an allergy free Suzanne C. Walters. They had failed, so a staff meeting was to be held in my honor. 

Thank you Mr. Pharmacists for livening up my day!

As a side note, if you're interested in the side effects of Viagra in women, check out this article. Apparently it doesn't do much unless she's on antidepressants.

It's the end of the day, and my face is still flushed from the reaction. Luckily I have some skin care products to soothe my skin. Now I'm going to take some Benedryl to take care of the hives all over my body and hopefully get some sleep.  Here is a before and after of when I used my skin care products. Look how red my face was!