Kindergarteners with Marital Problems

I never had marital problems with my friends as a kid. I remember playing Hotwheels and Legoes with my brother, climbing trees, dressing Barbies, and occasionally tormenting my cat. My only dilemmas were whether I should pretend to be a white horse or a purple one. Now kids have bigger issues.

The other day, kids came to school dressed in their old Halloween costumes. Twenty-first century kids' costumes are immaculate! We had princesses, cowboys, super heroes, and pink cats! During recess, all the kids stayed in character, except for one boy. He took off his transformer mask to be the dashing Prince Derek to the lovely Princess Lucy. I usually don't allow little five year olds to play boyfriend/girlfriend, but I let it slide this day. Derek was the perfect gentleman; he guided Lucy across the playground, her arm linked with his as her ladies in waiting trailed behind and would circle around them when they danced. A darling love story unfolded that afternoon.

The dreamworld fell apart when Haley arrived. Normally Lucy's mom picks her up before Haley gets there with the after school kids, and Derek would play with her each afternoon. I never knew the depths of Haley's love for Derek until I saw her enraged by his friend choice that day. I kept seeing Haley run up to the group and run away disgruntled. I wanted to know what was going down. When I walked up in the middle of Haley's diatribe I heard, “You always play with ME and GARRET!” “You are MY friend!” “You are NOT her friend!” Then she added sweetly, “Will you come play with me now?”

Derek looked at Haley in her school uniform. He looked at the mild mannered, not given to fits of rage princess holding his hand. “No.” he replied, and guided her majesty away to their next engagement. The look on Haley's face has an academy award waiting in her future.

A few minutes later, I happened upon Haley pacing back and forth. I got closer. “I don't need HIM!” “I'm better off without him!” The stomp of each step carried the weight of every scorned woman who has ever gone before her. I tried consoling her, but the depths of her despair couldn't be quenched. To this day, I'm still amazed by the similarities these kids have to the marital issues displayed on tv.

Luckily kids heal fast. A few days later, Lucy had gone home early. I watched as Haley and Derek ran hand in hand with the biggest smiles as they played a game with Garret. Soap operas aren't just for adults anymore.